Our Class Will Steal the Mascot
by Uber Spoonz
Summary: When Goron High vandalizes the property of Kokiri High, Homecoming Week becomes Homecoming WAR! And who is stuck in the middle of it all? Link, of course! Based on an actual event at my school. Chapter 4 FINALLY UP!
1. Complications

**This here is my newest story to date! It's based entirely upon an actual event, right down to the last detail (minus all the Zelda references, of course). I was planning something like this a long time ago, but I just now got to writing it, and this isn't even exactly what I planned! Well, this will be kinda a shorty. Not a one-shot, oh no. Not THAT short. Maybe about five chapters or less. Well, let's get started!**

Summary: Link has never really liked sports, apart from the occasional sword duel. Unfortunately, the big thing about homecoming in Kokiri High is foot-deku-nut. Because of this, the blonde boy has never participated in Spirit Week, neither in the activities throughout the week nor in the big homecoming game on Friday. However, Goron High, the team Kokiri High is supposed to play in the homecoming game, has turned it into full-scale interracial WAR! Can Link stay out of it, or will Mido and the rest of the foot-deku-nut team draw him into the heat of battle?

**Chapter 1: Complications**

I don't know who's dumb idea it was to send a forest full of small children to high school, but I blame them for all the bad stuff that's happened to me lately. I mean, with the fires and the bombings… But I guess I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me start from the beginning.

It all started about a month and a half ago. School was just starting. Saria and I were going to be freshmen at Kokiri High. It turned out we were in the same class. School was pretty mundane for a long while. We did our homework and studied together on weekends, praising the Goddesses when the weekend finally came. Then there came Spirit Week.

Spirit Week was what the school called a week comprised of five themed days. Monday was going to be Sports Day, where we all wore the jersey of our favorite big-league team. Tuesday was Pink Day, during which you were supposed to wear some article of pink on one part of your body or another. Wednesday was Pajama Day, the point of which being that you didn't have to get dressed that day. Thursday was Be a Star Day, when you have to dress up like someone famous. Of course, since I'm the Hero of Time, I had it easy that day.

Then there was Kokiri Green Day. The school color was green, so you were supposed to wear lots and lots of green on that day. None of us really had a problem with that, especially not Saria. Friday would be concluded with the homecoming game against Goron High.

When Monday, Sports Day, rolled around, I tucked my scabbard onto my shoulder and went to school. Mido, being on the foot-deku-nut team, was all decked out with his shoulder pads and helmet and jersey and special shoes. Saria remained adamant that music was a kind of sport and brought her ocarina to school. It wasn't really anything special. Saria and I didn't have any homework that night, so we played on our ocarinas in the Lost Woods.

Next came Tuesday, the dreaded Pink Day. There was _no way_ I was going to participate in that. I made absolutely sure that there was no pink on me anywhere before I went to school. Saria kept it simple and put a pink ribbon in her hair. I told her it clashed with her shirt and she said that I was a boy and didn't know anything about fashion so I should shut up. I did. I had a quiz the next day on Hylian history, so Saria helped me study.

Wednesday, Pajama Day, was next. Since I slept in my tunic, it wasn't really much of a special day for me. Mido came to school in his underwear. I thanked the Goddesses repeatedly that he didn't sleep nude. Saria had on a light green nightgown. I completely bombed out on my quiz. I guess I didn't study enough. Maybe if Saria had been helping more as opposed to playing her ocarina the whole damn time, I would have done better. My music teacher warned us that we had a test the next day. At least I was good at ocarina.

Thursday came around and Saria made me laugh by dressing up like Princess Zelda for Be a Star Day. Mido made me laugh even more, because he came to school as one of the Goddesses. People told me all day that I looked exactly like the Hero of Time. I got so sick of hearing it. I passed my test with flying colors. Saria went on and on about how proud she was. I rolled my eyes and told her that it wasn't because of her that I passed my test. This upset her, so I bought her some fairy orbs. They weren't in season, so now I'm broke.

Then came the fated Friday, Kokiri Green Day. I put on my same old green tunic. There was supposed to be a pep rally that would take the place of last period. While I wasn't too fond of pep rallies, the idea of getting out of Hylian history for a day more than compensated.

Saria and I walked into the building and were headed for class when Mido ran up to us. Well, he was probably running up to Saria since I was more or less the most hated guy in school. "Saria!" he panted, out of breath. "It's horrible! Goron High vandalized our entire field as well as the sign and the school bell!"

Imagine my shock. Mido actually knew what the word 'vandalize' meant!

Saria turned to me. "Link, can you believe it?" she said, interrupting my thoughts. "Goron High painted everything red last night! All of it! Red!"

"This is war!" Mido announced. And that's how it all started...

**This chapter was terrible, but necessary. It'll get better, believe me. I'm open to ideas! I know I said this is based strictly upon real events, but I didn't exactly get the entire story myself. I know, I know... "Get your facts straight before you go telling stories about it." But you can't argue that this is a (semi) nice story! And it will get soooooooo much better! Besides, it's fiction! FanFICTION!**

**Like I said, some ideas would be great. Not too many; remember that I'm keeping this one short. And any kind of review would be great as well! I kinda expect a few flames for this chapter, since it was so boring and short and relatively pointless... Well, any review is a good review! Ideas, flames, criticism, etc., please!**


	2. Pep Rally

**This chapter here is almost entirely accurate! The only parts I changed around from the actual incident are the words the principal said, Mido's punching 'me' for saying something about the red paint, the teacher's name, the block schedule (like I actually have an ocarina class!), the CD player, the order of events in the pep rally, and Mido talking to 'me' at the end of the chapter.**

**In case ya haven't noticed, Link is filling in for my roll in this. He is a freshman, I think Saria is a sophomore, and Mido is a senior. Foot-deku-nut is what I'm calling Hylian football. Next chapter is where I _really_ deviate and Link no longer assumes my roll in the occurrence. He's gonna be his own person with his own thoughts and actions. Most of the stuff that happens will be based on some stuff this sophomore named Michael in my first block said.**

**Enough chit-chat, here's the… REVIEW REPLIES! X3 These responses are only for people who asked a question for the new chapter of either "WTF!" or "The Legend of Advertisement!".**

**Umm... no questions asked. So THANKS BUNCHES to everyone who reviewed! I love you all very much!**

**And now here's the chapter. It's an update fiesta over here! Four long-awaited updates over a two-day period!**

**Chapter 2: Pep Rally**

I moved into a crouching position as all the students in the hall crowded around. Mido had just hit me, and I didn't plan to take it sitting down. Well, since I was already sitting down, that would pretty difficult but… The point is, I stood up. So all in all, I did _not_ take it sitting down.

I had said, "Who cares?" after Mido told Saria and I about the vandalized property. Apparently it had earned me a nice punch. I guess since Mido was on the foot-deku-nut team, he was more offended than regular students like me. Saria helped me to my feet and shooed the crowd away by lying that I had just tripped. Many of the students doubted it, but left anyway.

"How could you say that!" Mido snapped. "Don't you have _any_ school pride?" He was interrupted by the first bell, warning us that we had five minutes to get class. Saria urged us both to stop our bickering and get to class, which I gladly did. Mido was more bitter about it, but obeyed nonetheless.

During morning announcements, the Great Deku Tree, principal of Kokiri High, made a special lecture. "Thou may have heard of or seen the damage done to our vast forest," he began in his omniscient voice. "A climate of evil has descended upon this school. Verily, we must not strike back. Stray fairies are being inquired for information about the vandals. If thou hast information regarding this incident, feel free to see me before and after school and before first lunch." The announcement ended and class proceeded. My teacher, Ms. Shortangren, told us about the altered block schedule due to the pep rally.

First period was shorter than usual, second and third bell were normal length, and some time was taken from fourth block. My school had four lunches to compensate for the large student population, each lunch starting and ending at a certain time. I, with my luck, ended up with fourth lunch, which was normally at one thirty in the afternoon, after third block. Today, however, they cut us a break and we had fourth lunch half an hour early.

Class continued as usual, save for the shortened first block. Sure, they'll take time out of ocarina class, my best subject. Second block I had advanced math, which I have been failing in if not for Saria's tutoring. Third bell was the dreaded gym class. I normally just sulked in a corner unless they were doing something I almost enjoyed. Fourth period, Hylian history, rolled around, and my teacher had us go to the computer lad to type our reports on the creation of Hyrule.

Then came time for the Pep Rally, one of the highlights of Spirit Week.

We marched into the gym in no particular order; all the students just kind of surged around each other. I hastily located Saria and we nabbed a seat on the bleachers not too high up that we couldn't see but not so low that we'd be trampled. The band was playing, the band that Saria refused to join despite her obvious skill with an ocarina. The music was so loud that it vibrated up through my entire body. I could feel it pulsing in my stomach the entire time.

A few students who had trained in the club called "Star Dancers" did some really weird dance I had seen them practicing in the parking lot a few days earlier. I really didn't get it at all. Seemed kinda pointless if you ask me. Then three or four teachers rapped to some even weirder music, and I _really_ didn't care to listen. It wasn't amusing in the least. After that they had the foot-deku-team tug-of-war against a bunch of randomly selected students from the bleachers. It didn't last five seconds.

There was more blaring music and some people came in and twirled flags _very_ slowly. Saria and I had given up on the pitiful attempt at a pep rally and were playing ocarina together. After the, erm… 'flag twirlers' were through, there was some bizarre vote thing for "Mr. T". I _do not understand in the least_. Firstly, who in Hyrule is Mr. T! Secondly, why in Hyrule were we voting for him? I don't even know who won, but it was probably Mido since he's the most popular and most well-known guy at Kokiri High.

Then we went back to class, where someone on the PA System said that we could go home as soon as we got our stuff from class. The entire pep rally was probably fifteen minutes long, if even that much.

"How stupid was that?" Saria complained. "They didn't do _anything_. There was that weird screaming contest, and the standing ovation for the seniors, and the tug-of-war, and… Goddesses, it was retarded!"

"Screaming contest?" I repeated with a raised eyebrow. "Standing ovation? What are you talking about?"

"Did you have your CD player on?" Saria accused. I smiled and pulled the sleek gray device out of my pocket, displaying it proudly. "Yup," I confessed. "And I'm glad I did. From what you're telling me, it was the most retarded thing on the face of the planet."

Saria and I were not two feet off the premises when Mido and a few of his cronies got in our way. Mido yanked me aside and glared at me. "Goron High is coming here for the Homecoming Game this evening," he said fiercely, "and you're going to repay their favor while they're here. Here's the plan…"

**What's Mido's plan? Well, I guess I can tell. It involves gasoline and pink paint and… well, I think you get the idea.**

**And the stuff at the beginning of the chapter that I said I changed around, that's ALL I changed around. So I really did go to the computer lad to type a report (for a different class, though) and I really did start playing my ocarina halfway through the pep rally. n.n I had fun, too.**

**Hey hey hey! -shoots Navi- Really though, listen up. My art contest ends in four days! That's only _four days_! I still have NO entries! I'm going to be really sad if these one-of-a-kind specialty award graphics go to waste! See my profile for details pertaining to my contest!**

**And please, please, _please_ leave a review! I thrive on reviews!**


	3. Spelling Issues

**FINALLY we have the next chapter! About time, eh? Well... Here it is. PLEASE REVIEW! ...Please?**

**Chapter 3: Spelling Issues**

A couple days ago I found my diary. I mean, _journal_. I found my freshman year journal. I didn't even know I _had_ a journal during my freshman year. Anyway, this is what it says:

_Dear Diary, _(I meant to write "Journal" there... Really.)

_Mido's making me do all kinds of things to the Gorons' school during the Homecoming Game. He lent me two of his lackeys to help me, but they're just blowing me off anyway. Since when does Mido have lackeys? Maybe laxatives, but _lackeys_! I guess it's all the same to Mido. I'd hate to see what happens when he gets the two confused._

_Anyway, I've got about an hour before I'm supposed to go over to 'Moron' High, as Mido likes to call it, and vandalize all their stuff. Apparently some Goron students took red spray paint and wrote "Goron rulz Ko-krappy drooolz" all over the place. Not only is it illegal to deface school property, but it _should_ be illegal to spell so badly!_

Oh, I remember now. I wrote this stuff on the evening I was to enact Mido's plans. Anyway…

It was getting close to game time, so I needed to get moving. I left my house to find Saria waiting for me. "I'm not letting you go through with this," she announced as she grabbed my arm. I sighed.

"Saria, everyone at school will hate me more than already do if I don't!" I protested. Still Saria refused to release me. So I resorted to the heavy artillery. See, I knew Saria would pull something like this, so I took her ocarina beforehand. I pulled it out of my pocket and her eyes widened.

"My…" she began, reaching a tentative hand towards the instrument. I closed my fingers around it and put it behind my back. "Are you going to let me go or what? Mido's friends are probably waiting for me over at Goron High," I explained. Saria shook her head violently.

"This is all a ploy, Link!" she whispered fiercely. "Mido's men _aren't_ at the school! He's just setting you up, making you think you'll be a school hero if you go through with this. If you do it, he'll turn you in and you'll be arrested! You can _burn_ my ocarina for all I care! I won't let you go!"

I frowned in determination. I had to do this. I already promised the entire school that I would! I retrieved a couple cans of pink spray paint from behind my house, as well as a small tank of gasoline. I think Mido gave me all that stuff. Goddesses know why he had it to begin with, _especially_ the pink paint. I still shudder wondering why he had pink paint.

Saria called for me to come back and think about what I was doing, but I didn't pay her any mind. I trudged forward until I was well out of the Kokiri District.

The city loomed before me like a vast plain. It was a quiet city with few big businesses. The Lon Lon Supermarket stood more or less at the heart of it all with few residences or commercial buildings around it. The roads were long and stretched out in all directions like beams of sunlight across the sky. Excuse the melodramatic simile.

I passed the University of Hyrule, one of the most prestigious colleges in the city. Actually, it was the only college in the city. Word said that Zelda, the mayor's daughter, was currently attending that high school annex of the academy. It still impresses me that a great school for college students even _had_ a high school attached. I guess the mayor'll do about anything for his daughter.

Beside UH was the Kakariko District, and past that was Goron high. I stepped lightly through the sleepy suburbs, past many a residence, until I reached Death Mountain. Now, _why_ in all the world would they call a mountain 'Death' Mountain when a bunch of kids are going up and down twice a day? And who would build a school on top of a place like that anyway? Either way, that's where I was headed.

It took me a while to get all the way up that stupid mountain. When I did, I found in relief that all the Gorons were at Kokiri High watching the game, just as Mido said they would be. Of course, it looked as though Saria had been right when she said Mido's henchmen wouldn't show. With a sigh, I set to work.

By what was probably half-time back at the game, I had drawn out with _impeccable_ spelling on the Goron foot-deku-nut field, "Kokiri say the Morons are gay" in gasoline, just as Mido told me to. I found a match and struck it, then threw the little flame onto the field. The gas ignited and my words went up in flames. I then took the pink paint and delivered the same message all over their school's sign and walls. My work complete, I returned home before any authorities arrived on the scene.

As I was leaving, I noticed a little red light blinking at me. I turned to look and gasped, seeing a security camera pointing right at me. I scurried about the premises, soaking each of the innocent black boxes in leftover fuel and promptly inflamed them. They looked almost like little torches by the time I was through. Now all the evidence was destroyed, besides the havoc I left behind.

I returned home to find Saria gone. I shrugged and went to bed, not caring to report my deeds to Mido or tell him that his wussy little lackeys didn't show. Heh, wussy. What a funny word. It's both entertaining and demoralizing at the same time. I'm getting off topic, though.

The next Monday at school, everyone stopped talking the moment I walked through the door. I looked around with a raised eyebrow, but said nothing in response. Saria was nowhere to be seen. I went to my locker and saw a note sticking through the slits at the top. I dislodged the small paper and scanned it quickly.

"Yoo R soe ded!" was the simple message it portrayed. This made me raise my eyebrow further, for I had to read it about five more times before I actually figured out what it said. The deplorable spelling threw me off.

I closed my locker door to see Mido on the other side. There was a scowl on his face, but what else is new?

"Hello, Mido," I greeted halfheartedly. "I did my job. How was the game?"

"We lost," Mido growled. The flames of defeat raged in his eyes. I took it as a sign that he was pissed off big-time.

**Poor Link just can't catch a break. Only a couple chapters left on this one. You like? I reiterate: Please review. I just spent all Thanksgiving typing updates, and I lack the inspiration for a decent ending note.**

**Oh, and there's that new contest going on. Read my profile for details, mkay? It's not an art contest this time.**


	4. Not My Issue

**Long wait, huh? I figured I do this one next since it's only going to be a total of five chapters long. This is me trying to wrap of all of the unfinished stories I can manage to. Oh, and the part about Link vandalizing Goron High… That's become part of the actual story! Some guys in my school turned around and messed up the school that messed ours up recently. Yay, accuracy!**

**Warning: This is the shortest chapter in the story at about 800 words. Sorry, but it's more than even the school's essay contest requirement. Heh heh, not that _that_ matters. Well, I did my best to finish this chapter up so I'd have an update for you.**

**Here it is!**

**Chapter 4: Not My Issue**

"What do you mean you lost?" I questioned suspiciously. In the entire history of the school, never had we once lost the Homecoming game. Figures we'd lose the year Mido joins the foot-deku-nut team. But what do _I_ care? Honestly! It's just a game! It seemed Mido was taking it kinda hard, though…

"We lost, we lost, we lost, we looooooooost!" he sobbed, hitting his head repeatedly one of the lockers. I was, er… perturbed may be the best adjective. Yes. I was perturbed. Greatly, _greatly_ perturbed. I'd never seen Mido cry before. I mean, I dreamed it in my cruelest of fantasies, but I didn't even know Mido had tear glands.

"Well, if _you_ lost, why are you complaining to me?" I inquired, taking a few retreating steps toward my first bell class. Mido saw this and heaved me back by my shirt collar. "IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" he blamed. I raised my eyebrow. Boy, I sure was doing that a lot, wasn't I? No wonder I'm so good at it now. Excuse me whilst I raise my eyebrow. … Okay, I'm done.

"How is it _my_ fault?" I asked defensively. I just realized that all I was saying to that guy was questions. I bet it was getting frustrating for him. Good. I make games out of frustrating Mido, the short imp. "You vandalized Goron High!" Mido replied with an accusing finger. I raised my eyebrow… again. If I even un-raised it in the first place. Wait, the word is 'lowered', isn't it? Okay, so if I even _lowered_ it in the first place.

"You told me to!" I snapped. This is why I tried to avoid talking to Mido. While it was all good fun to frustrate him, it frustrated the shuriken-wielding_ monkeys_ outta me trying to frustrate him. Or even just talking to him in general! I wondered where Saria was. She was normally around whenever I spoke with Mido. She had a 'Link is talking to Mido' sense or something. And Tingle was her tingle! Ahem. Bad pun. I apologize.

"And just _how_ did vandalizing _their_ school make _you_ lose the _game_?" I inquired harshly, having fun with emphasis at the same time. Mido opened his mouth to respond, then stared at me in dull contemplation. I could almost hear the little hamster that runs his brain die.

"It just did! And you're gonna pay for it, Fairyless!" he finally replied, storming off. I heard footsteps behind me and turned to see Saria running towards me.

"Link! Are you all right?" she asked, trying to catch her breath. "My 'Link is talking to Mido' sense was tingling, and I thought you might be in trouble!"

I chuckled inwardly. Another theory proven. Now all I needed was to prove that stagnant water was actually melted chocolate and I'd be SET. However, my current objective was to figure out exactly how Mido planned to make me 'pay', as he put it.

"Nah, I'm fine," I assured, grabbing a textbook from my locker and heading towards my class. Saria frowned, but parted ways to her room. I took a seat at my desk just as the fairy bells chimed, indicating a meeting with the Great Deku Tree. We all filed out of our classes and congregated before the giant deciduous guy.

"Thou hast certainly acquired information regarding the vandalization of our rivals' school. Such bitter news has saddened my ancient heart. If thou hast any information entailing the identity of the vandals, please see me before or after school or before first lunch."

We were then dismissed, everyone glaring at me in a devious manner. What a blessing to be the least-liked guy in school _and_ a criminal. It seemed no one said anything, though, for the day proceeded like any other. When the fairy's chimed at 3:40 PM, I tried to locate Saria in the halls but could find her nowhere. After a good half hour of waiting in front of the school for her to show up, I gave up and went home.

The closer I got to my residential area, the more distinct the smell of hot smoke became. Eventually I was running towards my neighborhood as fast as I could. The trees parted before me as I continued alone, and the sight of fire soon broke forth from the natural barrier. I dropped my books to lose weight and ran more quickly than I thought I was capable of to reach the house.

It was… Saria's! Saria's house was on fire!

I could soon make out the silhouette of my friend as she stood before her blazing home, staring at the ravenous flames in disbelief. "Saria! Are you all right!" I called as I slowed my pace. She turned her head to look at me. There were tears in her eyes.

_Damn!_ I thought. Now_ it's my issue!_

**The fire… that's not part of the facts. I put that in there for dramatic effect. Next chapter is the last! Reviews make me update FASTER! They really do! So if you wanna see how Kokiri High gets back at/defeats the Gorons, REVIEW! I'd do it for you! Seriously!**


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